it was like his penis was on wheels.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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