I could have mohawked her pubes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize