i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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