Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
