I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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