someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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