I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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