You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I touched a dick in church today
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
