i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize