im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dicks are not precious.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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