You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
