i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
