Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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