What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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