I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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