did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
