also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
