went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
