I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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