I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize