Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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