Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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