I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize