how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
