just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
