Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
