i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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