So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
