Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
