then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
