Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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