I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
