you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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