Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
