Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
