I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
