All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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