you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
