fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
50% drunk capacity currently
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
