2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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