Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
