Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
