At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
