So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
