Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
