he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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