the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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