I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Mom said you looked used
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
