I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
