Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
