what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
