Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
