he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wish there were birth control emojis
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
