It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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