never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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