If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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