Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
