It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
