I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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