I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize