Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
