Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dicks are not precious.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
