their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
