ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize